Spam goes all hoo-doo voo-doo on me

I'm usually pretty good at catching spam before I open it, sensing the mark of a spammer by the email's subject line alone. Today, however, a man by the name of Amparo Coley (with a name like Amparo I suppose it could have been a woman too) not only caught me off-gaurd with a simple plea for "Re: Help," but proceeded to scare the bejeesus out of me.

Passing through Yahoo's typically very reliable spam filter was something that sounded like black magic, Nigerian witchcraft- a spiritual email originating soemewhere on the African continent:

The tale of Misery and her amnesia and her previously unsuspected (and spectacularly rotten) blood kin marched steadily along toward Africa, which was to be the setting of the novels second half. For example, a mating ritual indicates that a demon conquers a plaintiff behind a cloud formation.

Freeeaaakkkkyyy. I got the chills just reading it. The plot thickens:

A gratifying tripod dances with a squid behind a pickup truck, because the eagerly gentle canyon underhandedly cooks cheese grits for a hole puncher. The psychotic rattlesnake is barely gratifying.

Hmmm, cheese grits and a whole puncher. Sounds like a Tom Robbins novel to me.

Of course between these two verses was the recommedation to buy a stock in the industrial mineral space with "SSSSymbol: IDS" -- because you know, the industrial mineral space is really on the move these days. I certainly know though, I'll be sleeping with my spam filter on lest I dream up another internet-induced horror flick.